


This might take a while

by MidniteOil



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky deals with a lot, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, F/M, Falling In Love, Late Night Conversations, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Night Terrors, Nursing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Romance, Sex, Slow Build, Super Soldier Serum, Tony is sort of a jerk, grad student
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-09 13:48:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7804243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidniteOil/pseuds/MidniteOil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Cali O'Neil came to work for Tony Stark she had an idea what she was in for. The Avengers weren't exactly the world's best kept secret. What she hadn't anticipated was that her newest project was actually going to turn out to be her most challenging one yet. </p><p>"James?"<br/>"Bucky," he remembered being called that, "I think I prefer Bucky."<br/>She smiled, "I think I prefer that too."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Ground

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time to AO3 so I'm still trying to work my way around.  
> Thanks for stopping by and here's to (hopefully) many more fics to come!

Cali had been a registered nurse for a little over a year. She’d graduated as one of the top three students in her year despite spending the majority of her college days in a state of either getting drunk, being drunk or being hungover. Of course all of that changed the moment she received a rather nerve wracking phone call from one Tony Stark. Cali had managed to blunder her way through a decent conversation with him before accepting a position as their live-in mental health specialist. Of course it meant she had to move back to the States after having spent a great deal of her later years in central London. That was almost nine months ago. Over that time she had gotten to know and mostly love the crew; from Banner’s quiet sense of calm to Stark’s abrasive sarcasm and Rogers’ charming ‘old man’ ways. She was as much a part of their team as Natasha or Thor, though granted she’d only met Thor a handful of times.

 

“I know it all seems a little unconventional for your hundred year old ass, but I think Robocop would benefit from talking to the girl. Just, talking,” Tony was leaning against the kitchen bench as Steve picked absently at a plate of scrambled eggs.

“He’s got a point,” Bruce piped in from his position behind the stove, the smell of fresh sizzling bacon filling the room with the most heavenly scent.

Steve let out a sigh as he ran a hand over his weary eyes.

“All we’re saying is that the Tin Man could do with some damage control. He’s not exactly the most social creature out there, a little bit of training wouldn’t hurt.”

“Could you maybe lay off the metal jokes for half a second Stark,” Steve grumbled.

“Buzz kill.”

“Look,” Bruce scraped a pile of bacon onto a plate and set it in the middle of the table in front of the rest of the Avengers digging into their food hungrily.

“The guy hasn’t said a word to anyone but you since he got to the place. He’s been a quiet brewing storm which, trust me, is not exactly a safe thing to keep contained.”

Steve noted the flicker in Natasha’s eyes as Bruce spoke of his much more aggressive side.

“But she’s a _nurse_ …” Steve started.

“She’s done a counselling degree, as well as taken a number of specialised units in mental health,” Clint added through a mouthful of toast, “chick’s got skills bro, she knows what she’s doing.”

The Captain let out another sigh and angrily stuffed a forkful of eggs into his mouth chewing half-heartedly as he processed the information. No one had seen Cali enter the room, so when she spoke there was a mixture of half choked food, smirks and wide eyes that greeted her.  
“Are you afraid he’ll hurt me?”

Steve looked like he’d been hit in the stomach with a baseball bat and it took him a second to gather his thoughts. The truth was, he didn’t know what Bucky was capable of at that moment. Did he think he’d hurt her? No. But how could he be sure?

“No… but…”

“But what?” she grabbed the glass of orange juice that Clint was holding out to her as she made her way to the spare seat beside him. “I can handle the Winter Soldier, Rogers.”

“Yeah,” Stark mocked, “see, she can handle the Tin Man.”

“Knock it off, Tony.”

“I mean, if I can tackle that train wreck over there,” she pointed a finger across to where Tony was now sulkily sipping on his coffee, “I can handle pretty much anything.”

 

There was a weighty silence that filled the room as everyone sat waiting for the Captain’s final word. If he said no to Bucky speaking with Cali then it was over and done with, not open for discussion again. Everyone had come to accept the fact that Rogers saw himself as Bucky’s keeper, for better or for worse, and for the most part Bucky seemed to only interact with Steve. He hadn’t spoken more than one word to anyone else in the building since he’d arrived, despite the fact that he spent just as much time in the training rooms with them as anyone else did.

“Give her a chance Steve,” Natasha finally joined in, green eyes piercing as she met his unsteady gaze. “You have to start trusting us with him eventually and there’s no one better to start him off with than Cal. I mean, she helped you when you first came out right?”

The man met her gaze evenly, her words sinking in beneath the strained muscles of his jaw and he suddenly found himself agreeing without meaning to.

“Fine. _Fine._ But if he so much as _blinks_ in the wrong way I’m calling the whole thing off,” he dropped the plate down onto the table, gave the group one last pointed look and then stalked off towards the elevator.

“Touchy isn’t he?” Clint beamed grabbing a bunch of grapes before dragging his chair out and standing. “I have a Skype date with a beautiful woman to get to, I’ll see you kids downstairs.”

 

As the rest of the team settled in to have their breakfast not one of them seemed to notice that Bucky hadn’t appeared. Even if he didn’t speak with any of them, he always made the effort to be at breakfast, every morning, without fail. What they were apparently completely oblivious to was the fact that Bucky had been standing at the opposite entrance to the kitchen when the conversation had broken out. Pressing his back against the other side of the wall he had listened to the group discuss him, anger and disgust flaring in his gut when Tony referred to him as the Tin Man. He’d pressed the back of his head to the wall and clenched his fists so hard he could’ve sworn his bionic arm groaned under the pressure. When Steve hesitated when Cali asked if he was afraid Bucky would hurt her, he tugged so hard on his bionic arm he could almost feel the skin of his shoulder tear a little. He knew he was dangerous. He knew he was damaged in a way no one else was. He knew that the people in that facility were always on alert with him around. What hurt was the fact that Steve was meant to be his advocate, Steve was meant to stick up for him, he wasn’t meant to question him. He’d given him no reason to since he’d been at the base. Maybe he needed to see the girl, maybe he did need some kind of professional help. Of course men of his time didn’t admit that. Men of that era didn’t have ‘problems’ they just got on with it. But maybe this was bigger than him, maybe it was bigger than all of them. He felt his chest tightening at the thought of having to force a conversation with someone he barely knew, having to play nice and pretend he wasn’t a mess. Bucky let his head thump back against the wall eyes falling to the smooth metal appendage that he had, sadly, grown so accustomed to. How was he meant to talk about his ‘feelings’ when he couldn’t even say hello to the people around him?

 

-

 

In the time that she had been at Stark tower Cali had trained just as if she were one of the Avengers. She learned from each one of them, everything from how to shoot a bow and arrow to how to hold her own in a fist fight. Bruce had said it would help her get a better feel for how they operated as a unit and Tony had thought it was a good idea for her to be able to look after herself should the occasion call for it. Of course what they didn’t know was that Cali had trained alongside one Hawkeye quite some time ago, so when that first session rolled around she’d taken them all by surprise when she’d floored Stark. Clint hadn’t made the situation any better by laughing his head off and all but rolling around on the floor as Tony sat bewildered on the mat. That was the day that one James Barnes had caught her attention. He’d stood off to the side of the room watching her, his eyes never once leaving her and she manoeuvred herself across the mat. She hadn’t been able to keep her eyes off of him either as he unleashed blow after blow to the punching bag that Steve held steady. The sheer power in his body was unnerving. Every time he struck that bag the entire thing would jolt back a little further, even with Steve’s full weight behind it. He was a powerhouse and yet, there was something else there lurking beneath that tough exterior. Something, gentle. Of course, no amount of observing Bucky could have prepared Cali for the interactions she was about to have with the man.

 

Tony had given her a corner office in which to work right downstairs from his lab and from where she sat she could look out over the entire city. Days like this one though she sat right in the middle of a manic storm that was brewing above the city. Howling winds shook the windows of the office and startled her for the hundredth time. She was so busy staring out at the grey clouds wisping by that she didn’t even notice when the door to her office slowly slid open and one very shy looking metal armed soldier reluctantly stepped inside. Bucky stood awkwardly next to the door watching as the young woman set back to her work, scribbling across a few papers before slotting them back into a file by her side. It was only when she had finished the last sentence she was writing that he cleared his throat and waited for her to address him. Cali’s gaze slowly swung from her horribly scratchy notes to where the Winter Soldier stood stoically in the corner of her office. At that moment she couldn’t help but think that he looked far more like a naughty boy that had been sent to see the principal than a world class assassin.

 

“James Buchanan Barnes,” she offered a warm smile sending golden flecks of light running from her chocolate eyes. “What brings you into my office?”

He held her gaze for a second before looking around the room almost as if he were casing the place, taking in every aspect of her office, from the spotless windows to the two long couches facing each other and the photographs on her wall. He regarded the enormous desk coated with paperwork before his eyes paused on a photograph of Cali standing between two men, the easy half laugh on her face making his heart sink a little. What was he doing there? He shouldn’t be near someone like her.

“Would you like to take a seat,” Cali offered, standing slowly from behind the desk and heading over to one of the couches. He didn’t move from his spot by the door though, just stood there watching as Cali curled her legs up beneath her on the couch and offered him another easy smile. She was the first person that he’d met in that place that wasn’t on guard with him. She was acting so casually and calmly in his presence and something about her demeanour sent a little shock running down his spine and relaxing his tense muscles momentarily. Cali opened her mouth to make more quiet conversation when Bucky suddenly spoke, his voice remarkably small despite the sheer size of him.

“Steve, uh, Steve said you could help.”

The young woman nodded slightly, “Sure.”

He cleared his throat awkwardly and looked down at his combat boot clad feet. He’d never been awkward around women in his past life. At least, he didn’t think he had been, he couldn’t really remember though. He finally managed to rip his gaze from his boots and look straight across at her. She offered him a half smile as their eyes met, and despite the fact that her brain was squealing over the fact that this was the most he had spoken to anyone other than Steve since he arrived she managed to keep calm and stop herself from blurting out how amazed she was he was even there let alone talking to her.

“Do _you_ think I can help?”

His eyebrows pulled together slightly, a small crease forming in the middle as he considered her question. How should he know? Nothing else had seemed to work up until that point, who was to say that this would be any better.

 

Working with Bucky Barnes was extremely different to working with any of the others. For starters, he was so war torn and, for lack of a better word, damaged than anyone else she had ever spoken with. He’d been through what Cali could only imagine was the living equivalent of Hell. She only knew as much of his journey as Steve had told her and even that barely scratched the surface of the pain she imagined Bucky had been through. From that first training session Bucky had had her attention and not just on a medical level. She wasn’t just intrigued about what he had been through, hell they were all intrigued about that, she was just intrigued by _him._ The way he carried himself, the way he would twitch just slightly whenever anyone so much as brushed past his prosthetic arm. It was the way his muscles tightened at the sheer mention of the word Hydra, how his eyes darkened whenever anyone spoke of ‘new weapons technology’. It was everything. Bucky was, at that moment, her biggest question mark, and her biggest interest.

 

“Did you want to just talk maybe?”

Bucky jolted a little at her words, eyes wide as he glanced around the room quickly.

“Or,” she nodded, adjusting herself on the chair and shrugging, “I could just tell you a bit about me?”

That seemed to settle him. His shoulders relaxed, shoulder blades sliding down his back as the hard line in his jaw eased a little. With the focus off of him, Bucky seemed to be a little less tense, though he still refused to move from his spot near the door.

“Okay, so, me, um,” Cali started carefully. “Okay, I grew up in Texas with my two older brothers. Lived my whole early life in that state. I finished my bachelors at the college near our home town before deciding to make a massive change and moved across to the UK to do my nursing. I’d never even been to LA before, let alone out of the entire country so it was a pretty big move.”

Bucky seemed to tweak a little at the mention of the UK, the slightest of movements but one that Cali had been trained to notice. It was the gentle twitch of his bottom eyelid, so minute that it could have been passed off as nothing, but she knew better, knew _him_ better.

“I had quite literally _just_ finished my nursing over there when Tony called me and offered me a job back here. Turns out he got wind of my qualifications through a mutual friend and he...”

Cali was cut short as the door flew open causing Bucky to jolt sideways, raising his arms defensively. Steve took up almost the doorway as he looked around the room at the two of them, always assessing the situation. The look in his eye was somewhere between murderous and genuinely concerned. Bucky slowly relaxed, dropping his arms to his sides as Steve deflated a little seeing that no one was hurt or even close to being hurt.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” the Captain cast a confused look to Cali who gave him a smile and shook her head slightly. “We have training scheduled and Tony asked if I could come get the two of you.”

“Oh right,” she slid off the couch, glancing at her watch as she moved, “I completely forgot.”

“Sorry,” Steve repeated, glancing between where Bucky now stood watching Cali and where she knelt pulling her bag out from beneath the desk. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I actually didn’t expect to find you both together.”

Cali gave Steve a grin as she straightened up, her brown eyes looking across to Bucky for a moment before going back to the Captain. “We were just having a chat really. It’s no problems.”

 

Steve’s eyebrows shot up almost into his hair line as the woman slipped past him quietly and out of the room.

“A ‘chat’ huh?”

Steve noted the way Bucky’s lips seemed to curl up just slightly at the side. It was the first time in what felt like an age that he’d actually seen his friend crack any kind of emotion other than confusion, pain and anger. What Steve didn’t notice was how Bucky seemed to linger for a split second longer in Cali’s office, taking in every aspect of that room for a moment more. As he turned to leave he made himself a silent promise that before the month was through, he would sit on one of those couches and actually _talk_ to that woman, he’d actually hold a conversation even if it killed him. Because, damn, if she wasn’t the first woman in nearly a century that made his heart skip a beat and that, that more than anything else in that foreign, overwhelming new world, made him feel human again.


	2. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late night discussions and a view of Chicago

The second time Bucky went to see Cali it was a lot different. Evenings in the tower belonged to each individual person, it was a universally agreed upon fact. When they had moved in the group had had a ‘flatmate meeting’ where in they came to a number of agreed upon rules; the main one being that by six pm everyone was free to do whatever they wanted. Another being the hidden cameras Stark planted in every apartment were to be removed, though the panic buttons could stay. The kitchen was communal and breakfast and dinner times were to be a ‘mandatory’ team effort.

Cali had retreated from the rest of the group once their last training session for the day had finished, claiming she wanted to shower before burying herself back into the paper work sprawled across her desk. She’d popped out briefly to make herself a sandwich and had locked herself away until well after everyone had finished their dinner and traipsed back to their rooms. It was coming up for nearly nine when there came a gentle tapping on her door.  
“James,” Cali couldn’t manage to contain the smile that crossed her tanned features when Bucky’s tense frame appeared in her doorway.  
“Come in, come in,” she waved him through the door, already heading towards the couch as he stepped inside and shut the door behind him quietly.  
“You’re out kind of late aren’t you?”  
As soon as the words left her mouth she regretted them. She didn’t want to sound like she was berating him for not being in his room or something. The simple fact that the man was in her office for a second time in five days was nothing short of a miracle. For the most part he barely even acknowledged her and after their very first meeting Bucky had done nothing but avoid her at every opportunity. The soldier worried at the inside of his lip a little and shrugged half-heartedly. He didn’t know why he was there, he had just found himself walking to the kitchen to get a drink of water and he somehow ended up at her door.

Cali tucked her legs up and settled herself on the edge of the couch, pulling a pillow over her bare feet as Bucky came to stand beside the door once again. He stood stock still in almost exactly the same position as last time. This time though, Cali noted, instead of having his back pressed up against the wall he stood about a foot away from it. Progress. Slight, but still progress.  
“So hey, I found this really cool article the other day,” Cali exclaimed once Bucky had finished his casing of the room and settled his gaze back on her. He was still a stone wall of emotion, no matter what Cali said he just wouldn’t budge. She sucked in a breath and continued on despite the fact that he barely even acknowledged she as talking, aside from the fact that his steel blue eyes never once left her.  
“I’m not sure if it’s really your thing but it’s this guy discussing the way New York has changed over the last forty years. He has a bundle of old photographs from when the city was a whole heap smaller and how far it’s come along since then.”  
For a second Cali couldn’t help but wonder if maybe she shouldn’t be mentioning anything that might trigger a memory for him. When his eye twitched just slightly at the mention of the old city she figured that maybe him remembering certain things wasn’t such a bad idea. Granted Bucky had experienced some of the most horrible things this world had to offer, things that wouldn’t even appear in some people’s worst nightmares, but remembering the good things from his past life may not be such a bad thing.  
Cali cleared her throat and adjusted the cushion over her feet as she went on, “one of my older brothers sent the piece across to me and said I should check it out. He’s really into architecture and I was the only other one that showed an interest in what he spoke about so he sort of sends me things he thinks are cool. Occasionally he sends something that’s really good, but mostly it’s just random images of buildings. He’s actually living over in Chicago right now, he’s just landed a job with this awesome little firm and he says he’s getting a lot of work which is great. I’ve never been to Chicago before but I’ve heard some amazing things about it. I sort of wish I’d seen more of America, but I guess there’s time for that.”  
She took a breath, her dark eyes rising to meet Bucky’s. Maybe she was talking too much, maybe she was talking about all the wrong things, she didn’t know. Whatever the case may be she charged on with her train of thought, hoping that at some point maybe she’d say something that made him want to talk back.  
“Have you ever been to Chicago?”  
Bucky knew that she was just making conversation, he knew she was just talking at him and didn’t really expect any kind of response but he found himself shaking his head slightly. It wasn’t much of a response and, truth be told, at that moment he wanted to say a whole lot to her, he just had no idea what to actually say.  
“That’s a shame,” she smiled, “have you ever lived anywhere other than here?”

Brooklyn. He really wanted to tell her that he can remember living in Brooklyn, and that he can remember Steve when he was just a scrawny little teenager. He wanted to tell her about summers in his neighbourhood and the way he would spend almost all of his free time at Steve’s house. For some reason though the words seemed to just get caught in the back of his throat and made him choke, like the sheer thought of saying those memories out loud might somehow make them disappear. He drew in a deep breath and shook his head slightly, his eyes suddenly going to the shining metal plates on his arm. Everything was so different now. Everything had changed so much that he wasn’t even sure if the memories he had were real or if they were just scenes from an old movie that he’d watched once.

Bucky wasn’t aware of the fact that he was staring, he was so caught up in his own world that he momentarily forgot that he was even in that room with Cali. His memories were so jagged and jumbled he wasn’t sure where everything fit. He remembered parts of the war, he remembered training and he remembered Steve with is asthma and impossibly scrawny body. It was Cali’s gentle voice that shook him from the edge of a memory, he wasn’t sure, but it had felt like he was on top of a train.  
“You okay James?”  
The young woman watched quietly as Bucky dug his teeth into his lower lip, her question hanging unanswered in the room around them. Before she could go on though he gave her the slightest of nods, his heavy eyes suddenly coming up from his shoes to meet hers once more. Something in the look on his face made her falter. His mouth fell open slightly, like some tiny act of defiance against his otherwise closed off persona.  
Before he could even register what was happening he found himself saying simply, “Bucky.”  
Cali’s eyebrows pulled together slightly, the edges of her lips quirking into a slight smile as he spoke.  
“I uh,” he scratched at the shaggy brown hair on the back of his head, “I think I prefer Bucky.”  
“Bucky,” Cali repeated back, instantly warming to the name as soon as she said it, “I think I prefer it too.”  
And just like that, it seemed like there was a chip in his otherwise ironclad resolve. He gave her a proper smile, his eyes going a shade lighter in the artificial lighting. To anyone else, that simple action would have seemed like nothing at all, just a patient smiling at the nurse talking to him. For Cali though, it was so much more. That smile held the promise of so many things for the two of them. It was like he was showing her that the talking she had been doing wasn’t going to waste, that he was listening and that it was making a difference, even if it was only a small difference.

“I’ve never seen Chicago,” he added, his human hand tugging at the sleeve covering his left arm. He knew Cali had seen his bionic arm more than once when they were training; she saw it practically every morning when they had breakfast, yet for some reason, in that room he felt like he should keep it hidden.  
“Well,” she slid from the couch and headed across to her computer, “my brother actually sent this across to me just this morning.”  
He watched quietly as she took a seat in the high backed chair behind her desk and turned on the computer screen. She navigated her way through a number of various screens and applications before bringing up a video on one of the monitors.  
“Um,” glancing over her shoulder she gave him a reassuring smile, “you might need to come a little closer to see this.”  
Bucky gripped at his metallic wrist tightly, his teeth clenched together so hard that a feint line of pain radiated along his jaw. He could do this, it was three steps away from him, all he had to do was walk over to her, that’s it. Nothing hard about taking a few steps.  
She sat watching as the tiny muscles on the sides of Bucky’s jaw twitched beneath the sheer pressure in his mouth. Sucking in a deep breath Cali rose from her seat and slowly stepped across to where the soldier stood staring at the carpet beneath his feet.  
“Bucky?” she whispered, ducking her head slightly so she could look at his eyes, “it’s okay.”  
He swallowed hard, blue eyes catching hers and following her as she straightened her neck and offered him a smile. He took a few more steadying breaths, his hand loosening slightly around his wrist as Cali nodded towards the computer.  
“I think you’ll like this.”

It took a few minutes more of quiet coaxing before Bucky finally took a few tentative steps towards where Cali was now sitting in the armchair once more. He still hadn’t moved much further into the room but he stood a foot or so away from the computer which was, in Cali’s eyes, a massive achievement.  
“So this,” she clicked a button on the keypad and the screen came alive with a slow moving panoramic view of Chicago. “Is the view from my brother’s office.”  
Cali glanced back to look at the man standing behind her, gauging his reaction as he stood staring at the screen. His eyes were wide as he watched the camera moving across some of the most beautiful buildings. It didn’t look nearly as enormous as New York but it seemed to hold the same sort of magic that their city did. No matter how hard he tried, Bucky still couldn’t get used to the technology that everyone seemed so comfortable using every day. Everyone seemed so casually accepting of the fact that telephones were portable and that everyone could be contacted at any given moment, yet he still struggled with the fact that cameras could show you the image they just took without being developed.  
“Wow,” he breathed, his focus suddenly drifting from the screen to where Cali sat, her dark brown hair starting to slip from the bun she had it secured in. Cali’s eyes slowly trailed from the shimmering metal of Bucky’s left fingertips to his suddenly far too intense irises. She opened her mouth to say something when the soldier suddenly stepped back abruptly, shaking his head as he mumbled a soft ‘sorry’ and disappeared out the door.  
Cali sat gaping for a moment before flopping back against the chair, her fingertips brushing along her bottom lip as she stared at the heavy wooden desk in front of her.  
“Wow indeed,” she whispered, suddenly acutely aware of the fact that her heart seemed to be beating just a little faster against her chest and the room seemed to have gotten a few degrees hotter. It would appear that one Winter Soldier was starting to get under her skin.

 


	3. Talk to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stark pushes the boundaries and Cali learns how much she likes listening to Bucky's voice

“So,” Tony dragged the word out far longer than was necessary.  
“So, what, Tony?” Cali ducked beneath his fist and blocked his knee.   
“How messed up is the Tin Man exactly?”   
Cali’s eyebrows narrowed as she surged forward, throwing a few body shots with her fists before adding a swift kick to his knee. Both Stark and Cali knew how to pull their punches when they were practicing; though every so often Tony would run his mouth just enough for the young woman to lose her composure and go all out. Today was one of those days.   
“That’s not your business Stark,” she curled into him and jammed her elbow hard into his ribs. Cali heard the satisfying whump of air as Tony curled forward with the impact.  
“Okay, okay,” he held his hand up just as she went to charge him once more, “no need to get angry. And I mean, it sort of is my concern.”  
Cali rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her sweaty frame, “how, exactly, did you get to that conclusion?”  
“Well it’s simple duty of care really. I can’t have a ruthless murderer running wild in my compound now can I? So, as your employer, I’m requesting that you advise me of your recent interactions with the Robocop.”  
When she started working for Tony Stark Cali had an idea of what she was getting into. Mr Stark’s attitude and general cockiness was a widely known aspect of his personality, and truth be told at some stage Cali had found that endearing. The more time she spent around Tony though, the more she started to realise that that was all a cover for a man who had more skeletons in his closet than most. He always made the best effort to come across as transparent but the things that Cali and he had discussed, most times accidentally, in their sessions showed her that he was anything but transparent. The benefit of knowing some of the ins and outs of Tony Stark was that Cali could make her arguments based on logic, something Stark seemed to value quite highly when it came to his business and The Avengers.

“Look,” she rounded on him. “When I started working here I made sure that my contract allowed me the privacy that I needed to work within a team as close as this one. I think you’ll remember that in section two of that contract I made a very specific point of saying that under no circumstances would I divulge any information that was given to me in confidence during my sessions with anyone whilst working here.”  
She could see the fire starting to build behind the entrepreneur’s eyes as she continued on, “I’m a trained professional Tony. I may not be an MD but I do have the same basic doctor, patient confidentiality clauses to help protect the work I do and the people I work with.”  
“That’s all well and good but if this tin can is a threat to my team…”  
“Stop it Tony!” Cali growled cutting him short, her fists clenching tightly against her body. “Just stop. If I thought, for one single second that Bucky was a danger to this team I would tell you, I wouldn’t hesitate. If at any point in time I see any signs of a relapse, any sign that the Winter Soldier is coming through, I’ll come to you. He’s not dangerous Stark.”  
That made Tony scoff, his eyebrow cocking, “he’s an assassin. He’s always dangerous.”  
“Okay, fine. He’s not currently dangerous. He’s lost Stark, he’s been through a lot and he’s recovering. So you know what,” she threw her hands down at her sides and glared at him. “Just stop being such a jackass to the guy for six seconds, stop calling him names based on his arm and show some goddamn respect.”  
“How am I supposed to respect someone that has slaughtered literally hundreds of people? I’m suddenly meant to just be all rose petals and sunshine about the guy being under my roof?” 

He was mad. Tony had never hidden his feelings about Bucky or his presence in the tower. He’d made it very clear when he first arrived that he wasn’t going to stand for anything when it came to that man. Stark had even refused to remove the cameras from Bucky’s apartment; meaning that the only space the soldier was actually truly alone was his bedroom and his bathroom. Steve had said it was excessive and that Bucky wasn’t a danger but Stark had refused to hear a word of it. He didn’t see the man as anything other than the Winter Soldier and it was for that reason that almost any discussion surrounding him was usually filled with anger and hostility.   
“He’s a trained killer kid, he’s done nothing but darken the world with his presence.”  
Something inside Cali snapped. She barely knew Bucky, but in the last few sessions she had found herself becoming oddly over protective of him.  
“Enough! The man fought in the goddamn war, he was brainwashed, he was acting on behalf of someone else Stark he had no control over that. You may think that he’s done nothing but ‘darken the world with his presence’, but I know for a fact that there are people out there that think the exact same about you. The difference is you have an entire team, almost an entire country on your side to make you believe that there’s good in you. That guy? That Winter Soldier has Steve and now me. He’s got two people in the entire world that believe in him, and I’ll be damned if I stand by and let some pompous rich kid try and drag him down.”

As Cali stormed down the corridor towards her apartment she couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. She knew she’d overreacted but Bucky was so beyond being misunderstood that she couldn’t help but feel protective. In the sessions Cali had had with Steve he had spoken quite frequently about Bucky, to a point where Cali had started to feel like she knew him, the pre-Winter-Soldier him at least. When she was studying in England, her lecturer’s had frequently told Cali that she was too emotionally involved. She was told that she needed to separate herself from the people she was working with, that she needed to see them as work and not her personal responsibility. Bucky had gotten under her skin; from the second Steve had started telling her stories about how he had protected him when they were younger, how he had been a brother to him despite him being a ‘dorky little kid’ as he put it. She’d found herself really warming to the soldier when Steve retold the tale of saving Bucky from the Nazi’s and how his first reaction was to ask Steve if he was okay even though he’d endured the most horrible torture. There was good in James Barnes, despite everything he had been through, there was good in him. Cali was so busy getting lost in her own thoughts that she didn’t see Bucky walking towards her and ended up barrelling into him head first. Just as she went sprawling backwards Bucky’s metal hand flew out and caught her around the top of the arm, steadying her before she could fall over completely. 

“Oh, God,” Cali could feel the heat flooding through her cheeks as she found her footing once more, “I’m so sorry.”  
“Are you okay?”   
She felt the breath catch in the back of her throat as his brilliant blue eyes searched her face. His hand was still wrapped around her arm, tight enough that it sent a slight ached along her skin.  
“Yeah. Uh, I’m fine, thank you.”  
His eyes went to when his hand was wrapped around her arm. A look of sheer panic washed across his stubble coated face as he all but threw her arm away from him.  
“Sorry,” he whispered, a pained look in eyes, “I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay,” she offered him a smile. “Truly it’s fine. I’m the one that should apologise, I walked into you.”  
It didn’t seem to offer him any peace of mind though, his eyes flicking between her flushed face and the feint red marks on her arm.   
“Did I hurt you?” his voice was so soft that Cali almost wasn’t sure if he’d said anything at all.   
“I did, didn’t I? This stupid fucking…” he trailed off shaking his head as he ran his flesh had through his hair and bit into his lip angrily.  
“Seriously Bucky,” Cali forced his eyes to meet hers, “it’s okay. Where were you headed?”  
“I was about to meet Steve for some training.”  
This was the most interaction Bucky had ever had with her and she found that she didn’t want him to stop talking. There was something rather wonderful about his voice, it was gentle and husky in a way she’d never heard before and the more he spoke the more she found herself wanting him to.   
“Where were you going?” he asked, catching her completely off guard.   
“Oh, I,” she shook her head suddenly remembering the conversation she’d just had, “I was heading to have a shower, I just finished up a session with Stark.”  
She noted the way Bucky’s left eye seemed to twitch at the mention of Stark’s name, though his next question made her wonder if it was merely Stark that had him a little uneasy or if it was something deeper.  
“Did he say something to you?”  
“What, um, why would you think that?”  
He paused, hooded eyes doing a sweep of her body before he continued, “you seem, aggravated.”  
She didn’t know why his observation took her by surprise. The man was a soldier and an assassin after all; observing people was sort of part and parcel of both those professions.  
“No, no. We just had a bit of a full on session that’s all.” 

He didn’t know if it was because of the interactions they’d had in her office previously, or if it was the fact that they were alone in the corridor but Bucky found himself feeling oddly relaxed in her presence. Steve had spoken about Cali a number of times and if Steve trusted her then he did too. Steve Rogers was practically never wrong about people and that was something that both Bucky and Cali had come to know and appreciate.  
“I should go, Steve’s probably waiting,” he nodded, looking one final time to the marks on her arm.   
“Of course, yeah,” she smiled, that same warm smile she usually gave him.   
Just as he was about to disappear around the corner Cali called, “Hey Bucky?”  
He stopped, turning to look at her over his shoulder, “it was um, it was nice talking to you.”  
As he turned to walk away though Cali could have sworn that she saw just a flicker of a smile cross his lips.


	4. Weapons, glass and too many cups of water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky can't sleep, Cali delves further into things she shouldn't and Stark pushes more boundaries than he should at 2 am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to each and every person that takes the time to read this one. I truly appreciate it. It's my first Avengers Fic and my first AO3 Fic too so just bear with me, and please feel free to leave a comment I'd love to hear from you guys! 
> 
> (PS None of this work has been Beta'd either)
> 
> M

“We’ve located the Asset, Sir,” the coms crackled into life in his ear, cutting through the static sound of his breathing.  
“Where is he?”  
“He’s holed up with the Avengers.”  
“Where?” he hissed, repositioning the rifle against his shoulder and looking down the scope.  
“Stark Tower,” came the broken response, “he’s different though Sir.”  
“How?”  
“He’s…” there was a pause as the man on the other end of the coms took a moment to pick his words. “Remembering.”  
“Well then,” with a sigh he locked a round into place and took a steadying breath, “that is most certainly a concern.”  
“We can rectify it Sir,” the voice was shakier now, “we have the book. We can just wipe him and start again. The rooms are all ready to go. We have everything we need.”  
“Yes. We do have everything we need,” with a steady hand he fixed the sight and slowly squeezed the trigger. A gurgling sound echoed through the coms systems, a soft whump following a second later, as the Colonel slowly started to pack down his weapon.  
“Body secure Colonel.”  
He smiled against the material of the bandana covering his face and nodded, “good. Now. Let’s get a move on. We have to work out how to get inside Stark Towers, sooner rather than later.”  
“Yes, Sir,” and with a final burst of static the line went dead.

*

No matter how hard he tried Bucky couldn’t sleep. He’d gone to the bathroom and sat with the light on for a while, he’d even tried warm milk like he’d heard Clint did for his kids when they couldn’t sleep. He’d sat up and read and listened to music but nothing was working. His body clearly wasn’t playing ball despite the fact that he was exhausted. It wasn’t the first time he’d been wide awake at two am. Nor was it the first time he found himself standing in front of the enormous floor to ceiling windows in the communal area staring out at the city below. Being in that tower had proved to be a challenge in more ways than one. He’d been there nearly six months and had stood in front of those windows in the dead of night more times than he cared to admit. The city was so different to how he remembered it, so much brighter and busier than before. Even with the hood of night drawn over it, it still looked like it was wide awake with its twinkling lights and bustling streets. It really was the city that never slept, and apparently his body was determined to take after its example.

When Cali padded out into the kitchen the last thing she thought she’d see was Bucky staring out into the darkness alone.  
“Couldn’t sleep either huh?” she exclaimed grabbing a glass of water and wandering over to where he stood. Bucky watched quietly as she made her way across to him, the lights of the city blazing below and casting long shadows over his heavy features.  
“Why couldn’t you sleep?” he asked gently once she came to a halt beside him.  
“I’ve never been much good at sleeping,” she explained quietly. “I pretty much wake up every hour and never sleep for more than four hours a night.”  
He watched her intently as she took a long sip from the glass in her hand. There was something so easily accessible about her in that moment, the subtle rise of colour in her cheeks and the way she wouldn’t quite meet his gaze made him feel suddenly very protective of her.  
“I used to be able to sleep before the war,” Bucky offered, startling himself with the ease in which the words came out. Cali felt her mouth fall open slightly as he spoke, they hadn’t even begun to scratch the surface of his memories so hearing anything from his past came as somewhat of a shock.  
“Do you remember much from then?”  
She knew it was a gamble to ask too much about his past but at that moment, standing in the muted glow from the street lights, Bucky seemed far less overwhelmingly challenging than he had when he was in her office.  
“A little,” his blue eyes trailed back down to the street below. “I remember broken pieces of time around those days. I remember…”

His voice trailed off as he stood looking out of the window and Cali took that as her cue to leave the questioning well enough alone. She could see the tense lines along his jaw as he worked through whatever memories there were burning through his brain at that particular moment. Bruce was right when he’d likened Bucky to a brewing storm, Cali just had no concept of exactly how close to exploding he really was.  
“I remember Steve before he was Captain America,” his voice was dangerously low, barely even a growl in the quiet of the expansive room. “I remember protecting him when we were younger. I remember his mother’s funeral.”  
There was a slight quiver in his voice as his brow furrowed beneath the weight of those thoughts.  
“I remember a lot of death,” he clenched his teeth together so hard he thought they might crack, “I remember killing.”  
Cali stayed impossibly still at that moment, her focus entirely centred on the way his expression changed from pain to unwavering rage.  
“The blood on my hands, the silent sound of a bullet tearing through flesh. I watched people die, I watched as the light went out in their eyes. I took the only thing they could never get back,” the lines of his shoulders were getting heavier with every word he spoke, his fists clenching so tight at his sides his knuckles were turning white.  
“I remember,” his breath hitched in his throat, eyes squeezing closed as he leaned his forehead against the cool glass window. “I remember the pain.”  
Cali could feel tears start to well at the corners of her eyes. She’d worked with people that had experienced extreme types of trauma before; she’d worked with soldiers and addicts so it shouldn’t have come as such a big surprise. Yet there was something in the way Bucky seemed to slump against the window, something in the way his body was practically radiating a burning heat that got under her skin. She couldn’t rip her eyes away from the angry pink and red scars that outlined where his flesh and blood stopped and the metal of his arm started. Before Cali had a chance to say anything Bucky suddenly jolted towards her, his hands wrapping around the tops of her arms sending the glass in her hand tumbling to the floor with a loud smash.  
“Buck,” she whispered, eyes wide as the water started to spread beneath her bare feet, bitterly cold in contrast to the heat from his hands. “It’s okay.”  
“It’s not,” he hissed, “it hasn’t been okay for so long. The things I’ve seen. The… the things I’ve done.”  
Cali gasped as he pushed her backwards hands still wrapped around her arms, a sliver of glass piercing through the sole of her foot as she moved.  
“Bucky…”  
His eyes flared, a flicker of pain bleeding into the startling blue as he whispered, “I’m not him. I haven’t been Bucky for so long. How could I be? He wasn’t a monster.”

She planted her foot down against the ground, hissing as the shard of glass dug further into her flesh, “You are him. You said it yourself, you wanted to be called Bucky. Remember? Do you remember saying that to me in my office?”  
Recognition flashed across his face and she knew if she didn’t keep on with that train of thought she could lose him entirely.  
“I called you James and you told me you preferred Bucky. That’s what Steve calls you, it’s what he’s always called you, because he knows you,” the look of utter shock in his eyes almost made Cali want to cry.  
“Trust me Bucky,” she was whispering now, hyper aware of the fact that he was standing dangerously close to her, “trust me when I tell you you’re a good person. The things you’ve seen, the things you’ve done? None of that was you. None of it. That was the Winter Soldier; that was a whole other person. Not you.”  
He shook his head slowly, long strands of hair falling in front of his eyes as his grip softened around her arms.  
“You’re not a weapon,” something in those words seemed to shake him, his eyes blown wide as he finally met her gaze properly.  
“You’re safe here, I promise.”  
His hands slowly slid down her arms as realisation hit him hard, his eyebrows pulling together as he looked down to where the glass had shattered at their feet.  
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, suddenly looking exhausted and utterly worn out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t…”  
“It’s okay. It wasn’t…”  
Before Cali could finish her sentence the lights were flickering into life above them leaving the two squinting as Tony came sauntering into the room.  
He paused momentarily, sleep filled eyes taking in the scene, a look of immediate accusation on his face as his eyes fell to the broken glass about the floor, “you okay kid?”  
“I’m just fine, Stark,” Cali grumbled.  
“Why you bleeding then?”  
“It’s fine,” she shot him a warning look, “I just dropped a glass.”  
“Shit,” Bucky ran a hand through his tousled hair, his attention now on the line of blood rippling out from beneath her foot.  
Cali instantly looked back to him, her expression gentle as she spoke, “it wasn’t you.”  
Though of course she knew it was pointless, he would blame himself despite anything she said to him. She wasn’t afforded the chance to say anything further as Bucky’s arm slid around her back pulling her forwards slightly and leaning down so he could slide his other arm under her knees. With a colossal effort Cali managed to suppress the blush that was threatening to take over her cheeks as she realised her shirt had ridden up to just barely cover her underwear. Bucky seemed entirely oblivious to it though, his focus centred entirely on her eyes as he started to walk.

“Careful there Tin Man,” Stark hissed from across the room as Bucky headed towards where he was standing.  
“Tony!” Cali berated.  
“I just meant there’s still glass on the floor. Wouldn’t want our main man hurting himself would we?” the look he gave the soldier was filled with something else entirely though, something that made Bucky want nothing more than to kick him across the side of the head. Just as Cali was getting comfortable against the warmth of Bucky’s chest she was being lowered down onto the couch as he knelt beside her.  
“Here,” Tony handed a damp cloth to Bucky, his focus entirely on Cali as he spoke, “clean the glass out, I’ll go get a bandage.”  
“I can do that, it’s okay,” Cali sat forwards adjusting her top as she went to grab the cloth.  
“I don’t mind,” Bucky held her leg steady as he set about cleaning the blood from her foot.

She watched quietly as he wiped away the stray pieces of glass and blood from her skin, his movements so careful and calculated that she couldn’t help but wonder how anyone could have forced him to be a stone cold killer. She let out a low hiss and fell back against the chair as he unintentionally nudged the sliver of glass embedded in her flesh.  
“All right,” Tony walked back into the room holding a small first aid kit and what Cali thought looked far too much like a scalpel.  
“You going to cut my foot off Stark?” she mocked, grumbling again as Bucky nudged the glass.  
“Nope, but this is going to hurt.”  
Before she had a chance to argue the point he was holding her foot and taking the end of the glass between the tweezers. Cali could feel the glass tug at her skin as it came free, the pressure and pain suddenly easing to a dull throb as he dropped the tweezers onto a plastic tray and wiped the wound with a swab.  
“Barely even a flesh wound,” he mumbled, giving her a pointed look as he started wrapping a bandage around her skin, “of course had it have been half an inch deeper I’d have had to amputate.”  
Bucky cast Tony a grave look, his arms folded across his chest as he watched him expertly tending to the wound.  
“What’s one more amputee around here though right?” Tony looked across to Bucky before securing the bandage and standing, offering Cali his hand. With an exasperated sigh she let him haul her up from the couch, thankful that Bucky had disappeared to clean the glass up when she whispered, “Stop it.”

“Okay, well,” Tony clapped his hands together, watching as Bucky dropped the paper towels and glass into the bin. “Now I’ve had my excitement for the night, I’m going to get my water and go back to bed. Don’t you kids stay up too late.”  
Without so much as another word he grabbed a cup, filled it with tap water and disappeared out of the room turning the lights off as he walked passed.  
“What a dick,” Cali sighed, tentatively putting some weight onto the ball of her foot as she turned to where Bucky was standing behind the counter. She gave her eyes enough time to adjust before hobbling across to the bench.  
“I get the impression he was checking up on you,” Bucky whispered walking over to where Cali was propped against the counter.  
“Yeah, well, he shouldn’t be,” her breath caught a little as he wrapped an arm around her waist and started to guide her back towards their bedrooms. “He’s got no reason to.”  
She chanced a look up at him, her chest tightening at the resigned look on his face when he spoke, “when it comes to me… he definitely does.”

  



	5. What if...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cali and Steve talk through some serious questions

To say that Steve was worried would have been an understatement. It wasn’t Cali he was worried about or for, though given what Tony had said he’d seen a few nights earlier he was starting to reassess that concern. Bucky, however, was a whole other story. He had been more talkative since he’d been interacting with Cali, though the conversations were swaying more towards the darker elements of their shared past. He seemed to be remembering snippets of things, and he’d started asking Steve to confirm bits and pieces of information. When he started talking about a zip line and a vague recollection of their last mission though Steve had found himself getting tongue tied and simply couldn’t meet his friend’s gaze. It was good that he was remembering but he wasn’t entirely certain to what end that would lead.

Swiping at the sweat falling into his eyes Steve set his jaw and continued on with his boxing. Despite the fact that the serum seemed to have made him super strong without having to train he still found it therapeutic to sweat it out in front of that boxing bag. He had taken to boxing when Bucky had first returned from being captured. The two had trained together almost daily back then and whilst Bucky had evidently forgotten those days, Steve had kept it up well after he was revived.   
“You hit that thing any harder and it’s going to break off its hinges,” Cali’s voice shook Steve’s concentration. He threw his last punch, a visible split forming in the edge of the bag right near where his knuckles had hit.   
“Wouldn’t be the first time.”  
“No,” she smiled dropping her yoga mat to the floor on the other side of the room. “I mean, I’ve seen it happen at least twice in the last six months.”  
He cracked a smile, his hand pressing into the back of his neck as he watched her prepare her spot. “What can I say? I sort of can’t help it sometimes.”  
“You know what they say,” she toed off her shoes and socks, the bandage still visible on her injured foot, “with great power comes great responsibility.”  
“Who says that?”   
Cali paused, her eyes going to the ceiling in thought, “you know, I don’t actually know where I heard it. Some movie or something I’m sure.”  
“It’s a good piece of advice wherever it came from.”  
The two fell into a quiet rhythm with Cali working through her own yoga routine and Steve hammering away at the opposite side of the bag. It was easy, something that Steve had come to appreciate when it came to Cali. He never felt as though he needed to make polite chitchat or pretend he was something else, he could just be him and that in a world full of expectations was an absolute Godsend. She seemed to make him comfortable despite the very uncomfortable settings they sometimes found themselves in. It was for that reason that he felt he could speak up freely, which was becoming somewhat of a rarity those days.

“Tell me Cal,” he stopped the bag from swinging and turned to look at her.   
“Tell you what big guy?” she half whispered, steadying herself in the headstand she was currently in.  
“Tell me about Buck.”  
A silence fell over the two as she slowly lowered herself back to the ground and looked across to where Steve was now leaning against the bag.   
“What do you want to know Cap?”  
“Anything,” he shrugged, “whatever you can tell me.”  
“Well, I don’t know how much I can really tell you that’s new information. I mean, the way I see it, you know him better than pretty much anyone else.”  
“I wish that were true,” he sighed walking across and sitting down at the edge of her yoga mat.   
“What makes you think it’s not?”   
“Because the Bucky I knew was from the 1940’s. He was taller than me, much more jovial than I was. He was the big brother I’d never realised I needed. The guy spent the better part of our lives protecting me from thugs and bullies. He knew me before I was Captain America and he always saw straight through that costume. But now…”  
“Now he’s different?”  
He nodded sadly and dragged a hand through his sweat coated hair, “he tried to kill me. I mean, that’s definitely not the guy I knew.”  
Cali leaned back onto her hands and folded her legs beneath her, “he tried to kill Captain America, not you. You were the one that broke him out of that trance. You were the one that gave him something to remember. I think you know him better than you realise, besides, he needs someone like you to remind him of who he once was. He needs you to remember his life.”   
The Captain let out a groan and sank back onto his back on the floor. “I just wonder if I’m actually helping the guy or if I’m just making things worse for him.”  
“You’re definitely not making it worse,” Cali watched the muscles shifting underneath his white t-shirt as he sat back up, a look of scepticism heavy on his face.  
“Look Cap, I know you’re worried, Bucky is one of the last links you have to your old life. He’s important. I get that. But given how he’s been acting lately I don’t think you have anything to be concerned about, not right now at least.”

On one level Steve knew Cali was right. He knew that Bucky was getting better, the simple fact he’d been asking more and more about their past was a good sign his memories were returning albeit slowly.   
“Is that your professional opinion?” he asked chewing on the inside of his lip absently.   
Cali couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her tanned face, “my professional opinion doesn’t really come into this.”  
“Of course it does,” he countered, “you’re assessing him on a medical scale aren’t you?”  
“Sure, but if you were asking for my professional opinion you’d be met with a very clear, ‘I can’t tell you anything due to doctor patient confidentiality’, and that would be the end of this discussion.” She gave him a lopsided smirk and cocked an eyebrow at him, daring him to challenge her comment.  
Steve dragged his teeth along his bottom lip momentarily before nodding, “of course. Of course I’m not actually asking for your professional opinion.”  
“Bucky hasn’t exactly been in to see me enough as a professional to make any assessment either so it’s not really valid. We’ve had far better conversations outside of my office than inside of it.”

As soon as the words left Cali’s mouth though she paused to consider the connotation in that statement alone. The truth was Bucky spoke far more freely to her when they weren’t in her office space, an action she hadn’t spent too much time contemplating before that moment.   
“Come to think of it he hardly speaks at all when he’s in my office,” she exclaimed furrowing her brow slightly as she looked across to the man before her.  
Steve raised a shoulder absently, “I get the impression any sort of medical facility makes him uneasy.”  
“But my office isn’t exactly a hospital room. It’s not sterile, in fact it’s probably really unclean.”  
“I don’t want to know,” he smirked. “It’s just how he is, I think he needs to be completely comfortable to say anything really.”  
She paused a moment, thinking over his comment. “Does he say much to you?”  
“He’s been asking more questions about our past,” he admitted.  
“What do you tell him?”  
He shrugged again, “I tell him what I remember. I tell him what I think’s relevant.”  
“How do you know what’s relevant?”  
“I spent a lot of time with the guy, I know a lot about his past. I figure the colour of our combat boots isn’t exactly pertinent to his memory of a mission we went on.”  
“Well that makes sense.” She pursed her lips a little before asking, “do you ever lie?”  
The look he shot her nearly made her skin boil over right there, of course the Captain didn’t lie, especially not to someone so important to him.  
“It’s a fair question Cap,” she pushed, “people lie to stop the ones they love getting hurt.”  
“No,” he scowled, “I’ve never lied to him.”  
“Withheld information?”  
He paused again, eyes narrowing as he considered how to respond, though given his reaction she already knew what the answer would be.  
“I’ve chosen not to discuss certain things in depth.”  
Cali gave him a knowing look before pushing herself up onto her feet, “obviously he hit a nerve with whatever he asked. Look, Cap, Bucky isn’t going to be magically fixed in a week. The guy has some serious things going on in his head, for the most part on a very basic level he doesn’t even know who he is, not really. He’s dealing with a form of PTSD, though I don’t know to what extent, and he’s trying to piece his life back together at the same time. He’s got a lot going on so you can sort of understand if he gets a little touchy or finicky about things.”  
“So you can see why I’m concerned,” he replied, rising to stand in front of her.  
“Of course I can, but for the moment, for right this second, given the information I have about Bucky, I can safely say he’s not a danger. Your presence here isn’t making it worse for him, it’s making it better. You give him a reference point, you bring back things that he otherwise wouldn’t remember. Trust me on this Steve, Bucky is going to be okay, it’s just going to take some time.”

The two fell silent for a long moment, Steve lost in his own thoughts as he stared at the ground.   
“What if he isn’t though?”  
Cali shook her head slightly, “why wouldn’t he be?”  
“What if whatever they did to him isn’t reversible?” Steve was chewing on his lip as he spoke, arms folding tightly across his torso. “What if we can’t get through to him? Then what?”  
She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, every conversation she had ever heard Steve Rogers have about his best friend had always been him defending Bucky until the last breath. He’d never once voiced any kind of concern about Bucky’s mentality, not once. He’d only ever been adamant that the man was worth saving, that he could be saved. It was the Captain’s unwavering certainty and dedication to the man that had originally intrigued Cali so much. The way he had spoken about him, the way he had fought tooth and nail for Tony to let him stay in the tower with them. Steve had never once questioned Bucky, until now.  
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this from you,” her voice had dropped to barely above a whisper. “Steve, you were the one that fought so hard for Bucky. You’ve been his advocate for longer than anyone else here. You’ve never once questioned him. I mean you yourself said that he’s been progressing, asking more questions; gathering information. He’s remembering things, he’s getting better. I mean… What the hell has gotten into you?”  
The look he gave her was enough to break her heart, but his next comment absolutely floored her, “what if it’s not enough? What if… what if…”  
“What?” she hissed.  
“What if I’m wrong about him?” and just like that Cali found herself in a whole new world of uncertainty. 


End file.
